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| Lazy smokers take heart in booze findings |
By dod
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DRINKING can be good for your heart — but you have to be a lazy smoker with an aversion to fruit and vegetables to reap the full benefits.
Britain's leading researcher on the link between health and behaviour, Australian expatriate Michael Marmot,... |
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Where did Drunk City come from? |
| Drunk City is a historic movement dating back to prohibition. Organized crime artificially set ridiculous prices for alcohol, making it difficult for serious drinkers to enjoy their favorite pastime. On August 25th 1930, several enterprising individuals in a Saskatchewan town began collaborating on a plan for an underground club to produce and distribute alcohol to select members at reasonable prices. By that October, the first ever Duketoberfest took place the title named after one of the founders who was simply known as the Duke. Long past the end of prohibition, Drunk City underground bars proliferated and members enjoyed quality untaxed drinking. During the mid-80s, railroad lines were conglomerated to larger municipalities and Drunk City became a virtual ghost town. New memberships dwindled and eventually, the last underground bars disappeared. |
What is Drunk City now? |
| Before his death, the grandfather of Dan Bowler revealed the names of several remaining Drunk City members. From his discussions with them, Dan Bowler learned the depth and potential of the drunken secret society that had slowly slipped into oblivion in the decades before his birth. Armed with this information, and a new enthusiasm, Drunk City society would soon be resurrected in tribute to those who had passed. |
| Several years after his discovery, Dan Bowler bestowed his knowledge of this society upon his closest friends, who now form the core of the Drunk City high council. The extravagant rituals and ceremonies relayed to him only in stories were codified and guarded with the utmost secrecy in hopes of once again reviving the spirit of the past. |
Where is Drunk City Located? |
| To find out where Drunk City is located, you must first show loyalty to our cause by becoming a citizen. Because of the secrecy surrounding our society, outsiders are not routinely welcomed to our homeland. To appease some of your curiosity, you can be assured that we are within the heartland of the robust Saskatchewan plains. |
Who is the current leader of Drunk City? |
| Mayor (who has adopted his title as his name) rules Drunk City with an iron fist. Many revolutionary factions exist, however, and you will learn about them upon meeting and socializing within Drunk City. |
How do I become a member of Drunk City? |
| Previously, memberships were granted at the discretion of the high council, however , future memberships will be based solely on land ownership. All previous Drunk City members have been granted tax free land by the decree of his worship, Mayor. |
How is Drunk City organized? |
| Drunk city possesses three council systems. The low council is responsible for recruiting new citizens. Upon sufficient productivity, low council members become middle council members, who plan and execute the resolutions of the middle and high council conferences. The high council is a static council that is reserved for the original founders and visionaries. The high councils sole purpose is to seek out and emulate the ideas of the original members of Drunk City. As well, the high council learns and protects the original secrets of the Drunk City society. |
What benefits are there in becoming a member of Drunk City? |
| By becoming a citizen, you must purchase land. By owning land, you automatically have voice in Drunk City. The loudest voice will be considered the most valid and their wishes will be considered in future decisions within Drunk City. All citizens are eligible for a council appointment based on their merits as assessed by the secretive council assessment committee. |
I like alcohol, is Drunk City right for me? |
| Drunk City enjoys the effects of ethyl alcohol. All of you methyl alcohol losers can burn in hell. |
Does Drunk City support alcoholism? |
| No. Every member of Drunk City refuses to submit to the negatively charged cultural term of ALCOHOLIC. We recognize that there are a large number of people who can drink as they wish, and live a normal, productive life. Those who have problems with alcohol should seek medical attention and join A.A. |
What does the future have in store for Drunk City? |
| Once Drunk City attains a sufficient population, a militia will be raised, and the province of Saskatchewan will be conquered for alcohol production. Sign on early. Memberships will not be granted once our supreme power is attained! |
Whats with all the strange nicknames? |
| Getting a Drunk City name is an honour. Drunk City nicknames originate from the need to maintain anonymity. Having a DC name means you have met and drank with a council member that has taught you the basics of Drunk City society. You will often be asked for suggestions about what you want your DC name to be. Be careful and be quick, once your name is decided you cannot change it, if you wait to long to select a name you may not have the opportunity to choose. |
Ive heard that there are celebrities affiliated with Drunk City, is this true? |
| Drunk City has affiliates all over the world. Anonymous members could be secretly running chapters without our knowledge. However, many well known people are landowners and occasionally they have consented to allow their names to be used for our own publicity reasons. Examine our land registry to learn the identities of non-anonymous landowners. |
Im twelve, can I party with you guys? |
| No. If you are twelve you must enter the drunken slipstream until you are of legal age (at your own risk). If you dont know what the drunken slipstream, please refer to the Drunk City archives for reference. In our future utopia, all ages will be welcomed to party. |
How do I find out about upcoming events? |
| To find out about Drunk City events, contact your local Drunk City chapter. For events relating to DCHQ or the homeland, check the main page of Drunkcity.com. Citizens may feel free to add their own events to the Drunkcity.com event poster. |
Will Drunk City break me out of jail? |
| Our lawyers are only available to help council members. However, if returning all our empties makes your bail, Drunk City will try its hardest to help you. Attempted jail breaks will be dealt with on a case to case basis. |
The history of Drunk City sounds pretty far fetched, are you sure it isnt some concoction of drunken ideas? |
| Innumerable historical accounts have confirmed our validity. Certain elements are unknown to many scholars because of the strictest secrecy that has been maintained throughout the Drunk City movement. |
How can I overrule the Mayor? |
| You can join a revolutionary movement that will likely fail, or succeed. Its really random you see. Try, try, try, and you may succeed! |
Is it true that all you guys do is drink? |
| Yes. |
My penis is broken, can you help? |
| Yes! Infact, a Drunk City Duke has already had this horrible condition bestowed upon him by the random acts of lust. We can help. We will help you readjust by ridiculing and publicizing your horrible misfortune. Soon you will realize that your penis, broken or not, does not affect how much you can drink, and thus, how much you can benefit from Drunk City and life! |
Im planning on joining a suicide cult, is Drunk City right for me? |
| Sure. If by suicide you mean dieing slowly from the effects of alcohol. And by cult you mean an amazing group of supporting comrades who lovingly watch your untimely demise with pride. |
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